When perusing a Dr. Who/Torchwood fanfic archive, remember that "OFC" is not simply indicative of content--it is a warning, and should be listed in the "Do Not Want" filter alongside DeathFic and RPS.

What is it about the Whoniverse that attracts so many fucking Mary Sues? Upon reflection, I blame John Barrowman. Because, really--self-insertion is as close as a woman is going to get.

((And yes, yes, I meant to say that.))

The following snips are from a piece of vampire "fixion" hosted at Buzzle.com ("Intelligent Life on the Web") in the Science Fiction and Fantacy category.

"Fuck Christine, you better be okay." He whispered to himself, as he execrated to 90 miles per hour.

"FUCK!" Devlin swore quietly...

Her sadness hit him full in the face as he drove his dark purple Ferrari F1 50, and it was eating him alive.

If you're feeling a tad masochistic and decide to visit Buzzle, do not click on Escape Hatch unless you're sure you're up to it. (Accidentally selecting the Poetry subheading could result in serious brain injury.)

Okay. I really should add this one to my fanfic-fuckups Just Don't Do This list, but I see it in so many other settings that I'm giving it a post of its own.

If you loathe something, you are disgusted and repulsed by it. If you are loath to admit something, you are reluctant or unwilling to admit it. For example, you may be loath to admit that you loathe someone, or that you do not know the difference between loath and loathe.

(The above is quite like the breath/breathe situation as far as pronunciation goes. Loath rhymes with both. It's shorter and sharper than loathe. Loathe rhymes with clothe. It's more languorous and ends less sharply.)

And while I'm at it, one drinks ESpresso--not expresso. While there may be something intuitively appealing about the "ex" version, (as it reminds one that the vicious stuff is like a hit of cheap crank) it's really quite incorrect. And while you're at it, leave the X out of the pronunciation, as well. If I hear anyone order an expresso, I am likely to have a Falling Down moment.

And while we're on the subject of pronunciation, let's take a moment to appreciate the beauty and grace that is the word picture. Let's just *look* at it. Picture. Pic-ture. Note the fluid perfection of the way the TWO syllables blend so elegantly. TWO syllables. It's picture--not pic-it-ure. And, as with espresso/EXpresso before it, one cannot help but notice the complete and total absence of an X in this charming little word. So please, for the love of god, don't ask, "Oh, say, could you take our piXture?" It's the equivalent of Shrub belching out "New-cue-lar" during the 2005 SotU. "New-cue-lar," he said. And we all know it's nuclear, right? Of course it is.

And as long as we're asking questions, we're ASKing--not aXing. What the hell is up with this fucking floating X, anyway? Is it just so uncommon in everyday speech and taking up so much valuable space in our alphabet that we want to get our money's worth?

This X must be stopped.

Oh, and don't give me the "regionalism" or, "It's an accent," response to the new-cue-lar/nuclear thing. Look at the word. There's NO SECOND "U" in it. It's just not there.

Same goes for the phantom X. If there is no fucking X, there IS NO FUCKING X. Do not pronounce the nonexistent X.

* * *

I am now going outside to see if there is a sheep in my yard. I keep hearing these sheepish noises... ;-)

re: icon choice
It's a quote from Black Books. In that particular scene, Bernard was trying to antagonize a group of skinheads into beating him up.

While I am not *seeking* a beating, I'm probably courting one. So be it.

Want some candy, little fangirl? Just get in the crack_van...

The mental picture I form when reading that Blair "prostated" himself at Jim's feet--while perversely slashy--is really quite awkward.

PS: Any prostating should probably be committed by Jim. Prostrating, too. Blair's such the closet top.

Nothing like a bit of Richard/Onslow to start the day.

(And there are lots more goodies to be found on the BritSlash Archive. Not *all* Brit slash, but there's Red Dwarf and Randall & Hopkirk, Deceased, among others.)

((Saying "Richard/Onslow slash" is a bit like saying "ATM machine," isn't it?))