Se fecisse.

I'm voting for Alan Alda.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 13:25:41 GMT

I miss West Wing. (Even though it died blowing goats.)

Abandoned children of US soldiers.

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 16:27:07 GMT

In any country that has been visited by US military forces, you will find mixed-race children of local women and American men. The one true thing that can be said for all of these children, no matter where they were born, is that their lives aren't usually easy. Many (like the German woman I helped to find her father, an African American US soldier) have never met their fathers at all. Some are the children of rape--others, of prostitution.

Bear in mind that despite religious differences, social and religious taboos and an atmosphere of fear and contention, both consensual sex and rape have been occurring in Iraq. (And if you think those children--particularly those who are obviously not the product of two Iraqi parents--will enjoy anything resembling normal or pleasant lives, you are mistaken.) It's a common enough belief that adoption into US families is a good, psychologically healthy option for these children.

This is one hell of an adoption story that follows an 11-year-old mixed-race child from her first home in 1970s Korea to her current home in the US.

Igudesman & Joo

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:30:55 GMT

Mozart Bond

I Will Survive

(Thanks to cearbhaill for the pointer.)

The attic has been vacuumed.

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 20:42:59 GMT

In retrospect, I think the worst part was actually the pre-vacuum cat-wrangling.

Also--I hate sweating unless sex is involved. There was no sex involved. I must, must shower again.

Heat rises...

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:36:30 GMT

cold drops.

I *so* do not want to vacuum the attic right now.

New MindMap.

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 00:13:55 GMT

MindMap

Daily dose of Dumb, compliments of my father and Teh Intarwebs.

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 17:06:21 GMT

My father, bless his backward heart, saw fit to forward me one of those annoying anti-Obama emails. This one has a subject line of "Stupid is as stupid does" but might as well be titled "Wake up, white people." It consists of a ridiculous list of Bad Things--from hijackings to assassinations--attributed to "Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40."

It then goes on to point out that:

"According to The Book of Revelations:

The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of
MUSLIM descent , who will deceive the nations with persuasive language,
and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people
will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and
when he is in power, he will destroy everything.

And Now:
For the award winning
Act of Stupidity
Of all times the People of America want to
elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet --
The Presidency of the United states of America

A Muslim
Male
Extremist
Between
the ages
of 17 and 40."

Okay. I'm going to type *reeeeeeal slow* for my relatives who probably won't get it anyway. For the hundred-thousandth time: Barak Obama is not Muslim.

And while I'm on the subject, the obsessive use of his middle name as an attempt to encourage negative associations also needs to stop. We don't shun everyone named Adolph or George--let's leave the Husseins of the world the fuck alone.

Every single candidate in this race has *plenty* of legitimately negative qualities and closet-skeletons we can criticize--fabrication and inflation are entirely unnecessary.

I apologize in advance for the formatting, but I didn't bother cleaning it up. Because really, "You can't make shit shine."

Subject: STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!
>>
>>
>>
>> Can this be so??? Remembering helps!
>>
>>
>> I STRONGLY URGE each one of you to repost this as many times as you can. Each opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or media outlet...do it!
>>
>> A lot of Americans have become so insulated
>> from reality that they imagine that America can suffer defeat without any
>> inconvenience to themselves.
>>
>> Pause a moment, reflect back.
>>
>> These events are actual events from history.
>>
>> They really happened!!!
>>
>> Do you remember?
>>
>> 1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
>> Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes
>> were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists between the ages
>> of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken
>> over by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 4. During the 1980's a number of Americans
>> were kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim male extremists between the ages of
>> 17 and 40.
>>
>> 5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut
>> was blown up by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was
>> hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown
>> overboard in his wheelchair by Muslim male extremists between the ages of
>> 17 and 40.
>>
>> 7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at
>> Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by
>> Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by
>> Muslim< /FONT> male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed
>> the first time by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and
>> Tanzania were bombed by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and
>> 40.
>>
>> 11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked;
>> two were used as missiles to take down the World Trade Centers and of the
>> remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was
>> diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed
>> by Muslim male extremists between the of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in
>> Afghanistan against Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> 13. In 2002 rep orter Daniel Pearl was
>> kidnapped and murdered by-- you guessed it-- Muslim male extremists
>> between the ages of 17 and 40.
>>
>> No, I really don't see a pattern here to
>> justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend
>> anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security
>> screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people...
>> Absolutely No Profiling!
>>
>> They must conduct random searches of
>> 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper
>> identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security
>> detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor
>> winner and former Governor Joe Foss,
>>
>> but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and
>> 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling.
>>
>> According to The Book of Revelations:
>>
>> The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of
>> MUSLIM descent , who will deceive the nations with persuasive language,
>> and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people
>> will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and
>> when he is in power, he will destroy everything.
>>
>>
>> And Now:
>> For the award winning
>> Act of Stupidity
>> Of all times the People of America want to
>> elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet --
>> The Presidency of the United states of America
>>
>> A Muslim
>> Male
>> Extremist
>> Between
>> the ages
>> of 17 and 40.
>>
>>
>> Have the American People completely lost their
>> Minds, or just their Power of Reason ???
>>
>> I'm sorry but I refuse to take a chance on the
>> 'unknown' candidate Obama...
>>
>> Let's send this to as many people as we can so
>> that the Gloria Aldreds and other stupid attorneys along with Federal
>> Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel ashamed of themselves --
>> if they have any such sense.
>>
>>
>> As the writer of the award winning story
>> 'Forrest Gump' so aptly put it,
>>
>>
>> 'Stupid
>> Is
>> As
>> Stupid Does.'

Spare time does not grow on trees.

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 20:59:54 GMT

Time-devouring, as-yet-uncompleted, math-geeky, and somewhat aurally annoying quiz.

UN now classifies rape as a "weapon of war."

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:27:14 GMT

The UN Security Council has voted unanimously in favour of a resolution classifying rape as a weapon of war.

The document describes the deliberate use of rape as a tactic in war and a threat to international security.

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon said violence against women had reached "unspeakable proportions" in some societies recovering from conflict.

The UN is also setting up an inquiry to report next June on how widespread the practice is and how to tackle it.

Human rights group hailed the resolution as historic.

School believes an autistic girl is being molested based on claims made by psychic.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:49:40 GMT

Hey, teachers: this one's for you. (This stuns me. And in a public school, no less.)

Colleen Leduc already had a lot going against her. The Barrie woman was holding down a job while struggling to raise her autistic 11-year-old daughter.

. . .

Leduc's weird tale began on May 30, when she dropped young Victoria off for class at Terry Fox Elementary and headed in to work, only to receive a frantic phone call from the school telling her it was urgent she come back right away.

The frightened mother rushed back to the campus and was stunned by what she heard - the principal, vice-principal and her daughter's teacher were all waiting for her in the office, telling her they'd received allegations that Victoria had been the victim of sexual abuse - and that the CAS had been notified.

How did they come by such startling knowledge? Leduc was incredulous as they poured out their story.

"The teacher looked and me and said: 'We have to tell you something. The educational assistant who works with Victoria went to see a psychic last night, and the psychic asked the educational assistant at that particular time if she works with a little girl by the name of "V." And she said 'yes, I do.' And she said, 'well, you need to know that that child is being sexually abused by a man between the ages of 23 and 26.'"

Victoria, who is non-verbal, had also been exhibiting sexualized behaviour in class, actions which are known to be typical of autistic behavior. That lead authorities to suspect she had a bladder infection that may have somehow been related to the 'attack.'

There's more. It's

For anyone who has suffered through painfully outdated instructional foreign language videos.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:21:26 GMT

Republicans: Bigotry You Can Count On™

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:52:27 GMT

Via hughcasey, and others...

A booth at the Texas Republican Convention was selling buttons that read, "If Obama is President... will we still call it the White House?" (Brought to you--unsurprisingly--by the people who sold an anti-Hillary button reading, "Life's a bitch--don't vote for one.")

This is disgusting on so many levels that I can't bring myself to analyze it in any depth. Thankfully, it is so obviously reeking of vile stupidity that I hardly need point it out.

50 most hated examples of "office-speak."

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:16:40 GMT

"The business-speak that I abhor is 'pre-prepare' and 'forward planning.' Is there any other kind of preparedness or planning?"

"My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase 'brain storm' because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take 'idea showers.' I think that says it all really."--Anonymous, England

"I work in one of those humble call centres for a bank. Apparently, what we're doing at the moment is 'sprinkling our magic' along the way. It's a call centre, not Hogwarts."--Caroline Garlick, Ayrshire

Yuppie Camouflage?

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:58:55 GMT

I was driving home after getting an oil change when I found myself behind a ridiculous, black, full-size Hummer. "Why are you telling us this," you ask? Because the fucker was absolutely *plastered* with an equally ridiculous number of earth-friendly/eco-hippie/green-living bumper stickers. It was practically wallpapered with them, as if a layer of trite and tired one-liners could somehow distract the casual observer from the fact the vehicle beneath is a gas-guzzling behemoth of the vilest kind. The irony made me cringe.

It's been suggested that the choice of decor could, in fact, be parody display. I do not doubt the possibility, although a bit of well-planned eco-vandalism seems just as likely.

"I'm voting Republican..."

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:34:02 GMT

(Via mutster101.)

OKCupid I.Q. Adventure Test

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:02:05 GMT

If you want to take it, click here.

Here's how I did.

re: Yard Sale stuff

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:45:11 GMT

Those of you who are expecting books &/or dolls: I'm going to hit the post office on Wednesday, once this fucking heat wave has passed. I'll pop you the shipping costs when I get back. If it's not much to mail your box (i.e., $5 or so) I'll just mail it then and we can settle up after.

While I do not want to fuck a corpse...

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:50:24 GMT

I do tend to appreciate cemetery-, funeral- and death-related humor.

That said....

Necrophilia: when one has that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

Necrophilia: I love you still.

Necrophilia: Because love is best served cold.

Necromancers Recycle, or Necromancers: Reduce, Reuse, Reanimate.

And the fantastically tasteless, "Rigor mortis makes me hard."

While not exactly in the same vein, I absolutely *love* "Necronomicondoms."

A Welsh comedian flies to Australia. Much comedy ensues.

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:26:12 GMT

Having just made my first transcontinental flight a couple weeks ago, I find this fucking hilarious.

Website Lets You Send a Post-Rapture E-Mail to Friends "Left Behind"

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:05:26 GMT

Oh, now this is just priceless.

Okay, not *priceless*, exactly... For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.

Gee, thanks.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:01:35 GMT

Thanks a whole fuckin' lot for speaking for the rest of us. "Atheist" (in big ol' scare quotes) does NOT equal "uncouth scofflaw." (And I'd be purifying the confessional, too--but I'd be using Lysol. I imagine it's more effective at removing residual bodily fluids than incense alone.)

Turtle.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:11:27 GMT

I was coming up the driveway after getting back from class, and I thought I saw something moving on the gravel near the edge. Got out and saw a small, irritable snapping turtle. Our tenant farmer put in an irrigation pump and pipeline this morning, and I imagine it upset the Denizens of the Deep (deep muck, that is) and the little guy had probably (and rather unnecessarily) decided to "abandon pond."

I rather foolishly believe that there is a certain balance that arises from the application of reasonable caution when combined with good animal karma, or whatever you want to call it when one has a good rapport with beasties. So I picked the little fucker up (as safely and carefully as one can) and put him in my car, on the floor in front of the passenger seat.

He thanked me by musking (Yeah. That.) on my floor mat. Of course I forgave him, since I am Very Big and he is Very Small, but oh, the STINK from something so tiny! Gah.

Anyway, I parked in front of the house, got a bin to put him in, and took him down to the front irrigation pond to let him go.

On my way to the water's edge, I saw movement to my right.

And there she was.

There was a ridiculously large leech on her shell, and I couldn't resist a closeup.

Yeah, I'm a bleedingheart animal-lover who won't step on an ant, but god I hate leeches. Anything parasitic that transmits disease, really. Fleas, ticks, mosquitoes--the usual suspects. Having ridden the Lyme Disease merry-go-round probably only adds to my disgust and loathing.

And there she was. Huge, muddy, leechy, and oh, so pissy. I've never met a snapping turtle that wasn't. I actually doubted her snappiness until I saw the length of her spiney tail and the serrations on the back of her (very oddly concave) shell.

She'd been digging holes all over the area--probably looking for a place to lay her eggs.

And that has been my day, so far. Anouilh's bitter little Antigone, and turtles.

LOL Manuscripts.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 02:51:03 GMT

"Because everything could use a little LOL. Especially the Renaissance." (Because woodcuts and unfortunately located old English S's aren't hilarious enough on their own.)

"May God give you to search for your children with a Geiger counter."

Sat, 31 May 2008 19:50:03 GMT

The nine most devastating insults from around the world.

Une "Fartiste."

Sat, 31 May 2008 18:26:54 GMT

Joseph Pujol: Fartiste extraordinaire.

Or something.